Accounte of Things Seene & Donne in Faire Miyakojima, Japan

英語で笑う！　教室爆笑スキット / Laughing in English! Explosive Laughter Skits for the Classroom / Anti-jokes

2011-01-20T14:59:00.003+09:00

I originally wrote this on Facebook but am posting it here for your enjoyment.

I'm at school trying to avoid writing essays and have found this book of English language skits for Japanese elementary and junior high school students. I have a suspicion that these were written by non-native English speakers. Or the Excite.co.jp Japanese translator.

I hope you like anti-jokes.

'I Like What I Like!'

Teacher: Do you like steak, Toshio?

Toshio: No, I don't. I don't like steak.

Teacher: Why?

Toshio: Because it isn't good for our health.

Teacher: I see. Then how about fruit?

Toshio: I love all of the fruit. Especially I like melons, apples and oranges. Fruit is good for our health.

Teacher: How about vegetables?

Toshio: I don't like vegetables.

Teacher: But vegetables are also very good for our health. Why don't you like vegetables? Do you have a special reason?

Toshio: No. I have no speacial [sic] reasons. I just like what I like.

Teacher: Mmmmm...

...

'In the Classroom'

Nicchoku: Stand up!

Teacher: Good morning, class.

Class: Good morning.

Nicchoku: Sit down!

Teacher: Now I'm going to take attendance. Andou?

Andou: Yes, sir.

Teacher: Inoue?

Inoue: I'm present.

Teacher: Okada?

Okada: Here, sir.

Teacher: Katou?...Katou? Is he absent?

Okada: Yes, he is absent.

Teacher: OK...next. Suzuki?...Suzuki? Is she absent, too?

Inoue: No, she isn't...she is sleeping.

Teacher: Oh, no!

...

'I Cleaned!'

Teacher: Where is Hiroshi?

Shizuko: I don't know. He often escapes.

- Hiroshi enters -

Teacher: Where were you?

Hiroshi: In the toilet.

Teacher: Why? Today's cleaning is your turn.

Hiroshi: I know.

Teacher: You know? So why didn't you clean?

Hiroshi: I did, sir/madam. I cleaned.

Teacher: But you were in the toilet.

Hiroshi: Yes. I was in the toilet. But I cleaned.

Teacher: You cleaned? What did you clean?

Hiroshi: I often say bad words. So I washed my mouth.

Teacher: Mmmmm...

...

I am continuing my foray into the mind of Japan translated to English translated to child translated to Japanese translated to English.

'I Have a Pet!'

Teacher: Do you have any pets, Takeshi?

Takeshi: Yes, I do.

Teacher: What do you have?

Takeshi: I have a dog. It is white. It is very big. And it is very smart.

Teacher: How about you, Yoko?

Yoko: I have a cat. It is black. It is small. It is very cute.

Teacher: How about you, Yusuke?

Yusuke: My pet is black. And it is very small.

Teacher: Is your pet a cat, too?

Yusuke: No. My pet is not smart or cute. But I don't have to give food to my pet every day.

Teacher: What is your pet?

Yusuke: It's a cockroach!

Teacher: You are kidding, aren't you?

Yusuke: No kidding!

...

'In the Homeroom Meeting'

Teacher: By the way, Hiroshi, can I ask you some questions?

Hiroshi: Sure.

Teacher: Do you eat breakfast every day?

Hiroshi: Yes, I do.

Teacher: That's good. Does your mother cook breakfast?

Hiroshi: No, she doesn't.

Teacher: Do you cook?

Hiroshi: No, I don't.

Teacher: No? Then who cooks?

Hiroshi: My father.

Teacher: Oh, I see. Your father is a good husband. How about dinner?

Hiroshi: My father cooks.

Teacher: How about cleaning the house?

Hiroshi: My father does.

Teacher: Then, what does your mother do at home?

Hiroshi: Nothing.

Teacher: Nothing?

Hiroshi: But she works outside to make money!

Teacher: Oh, I see!

-_-

'I Got Dad's Punch!'

Teacher: A happy new year, class!

Class: A happy new year, sir/madam.

Teacher: Did you help your family during winter holidays? And did you get anything good as Christmas presents or New Year's presents?

Koiko: I helped my mother on New Year's eve. So I got nice gloves.

Teacher: Sounds great! How about you, Hideki?

Hideki: I cleaned my room every day. So I got a new family computer game.

Teacher: That's good. How about you, Tetsuko?

Tetsuko: I studied hard. So I got a new mechanical pencil from my grandmother.

Teacher: You are lucky. And Takuro?

Takuro: I didn't help my family. I did not clean my room. I did not study, either. I played every day. At last I got Dad's punch!

Teacher: Oh, poor boy!

Oh, poor boy! ;_;

You really have to love how the punchline is usually in the title.

'I Can't Read!'

Akiko: What's wrong, Takeshi?

Takeshi: Nothing.

Akiko: Who wrote the letter?

Takeshi: My girlfriend wrote.

Akiko: You look angry. Why are you angry?

Takeshi: No, I'm not angry.

Akiko: The letter has a bad news [sic]?

Takeshi: No.

Akiko: Please be honest. We are friends. I can help you. I can do anything for you.

Takeshi: Really? Can you help me?

Akiko: Sure!

Takeshi: You are very kind! In fact, I...

Akiko: Did you quarrel with your girlfriend?

Takeshi: No, no. I just can't read several kanji of this letter!

Akiko: Oh, no!

Takeshi's antics don't stop there.

'In the Math Class'

Takeshi: Ken! Ken! Will you give me some paper?

Ken: Sure. Here you are.

Takeshi: May I borrow a pencil?

Ken: OK. Here it is.

Takeshi: Can I borrow your eraser?

Ken: Yeah. Here.

Takeshi: Hmmm...

Ken: What's the matter?

Takeshi: This is very difficult.

Ken: No. It's easy.

Takeshi: Really? You must have good brains. Can I borrow your brain?

Ken: Oh, no! You can't!

BRRRRRRAAINS

The next one is about cultural differences.

'I Did So-so'

Mary: How did you do on the math test?

Junko: I did so-so. How about you?

Mary: I did very well. Look at this. Can I see yours?

Junko: Well...

Mary: Hey. Come on. Wow! Yours is better than mine. You're a liar!

Junko: No, I'm not. That's the way we are.

Mary: Oh, no!

...

OK, I was paging through the book and found this one that is...well, I'll put it here.

'That's Cereal!'

Mom: Good morning, Hiromi. What do you want to eat for breakfast?

Hiromi: Anything.

Mom: No. Don't say 'anything.' You should have an opinion. How about bread and milk? This morning we have good roll [sic].

Hiromi: Let's see...Silica gel is better.

Mom: What? Silica gel? Are you serious?

Hiromi: This is my choice. Don't complain.

Mom: Stupid! If you eat it, you'll die.

Hiromi: No kidding! Bring it soon. Over there! Over there!

Mom: Oh! That's cereal!

...

Peace.

Yet Another Nice Article from The Stone from NYT

2010-10-05T11:06:00.003+09:00

I thought that this was pretty interesting. Late in my undergraduate philosophy career I found my hard reductionist tendency beginning to soften, and I think that my appreciation of the perspective found in this article is a result of that moderation maturing over the two years since I finished school. I'm digging explanations from all angles, if you will. The article here talks about how clearly understanding both sides of the is-ought distinction is crucial for acting 'for the best' at the practical level.

Please bear with me if I sound particularly unsophisticated right now-- I'm trying to get back into thinking and writing after a rather long hiatus. Cultivating other talents, you know.*

*Halo: Reach

Getting back on that horse

2010-07-06T14:00:00.003+09:00

Holy crap, it is hot here. It is like 34C or something. Even the locals are displeased. I'm on door duty here in the shokuinshitsu-- when some asshat leaves the door open I get up and shut it to prevent the conditioned air from being lost.

I just took the LSAT in Tokyo last week. Felt good. I'm going to wait on choosing which schools to apply to until after I get my score back. I don't want to have unrealistic expectations.

With JLPT2 and the LSAT behind me, I've returned to daily Japanese language study. I hope to maintain my enthusiasm (情熱) for another year on this island in the (hot) sun.

Hot Item: Panasonic Lumix FT-2

2010-04-09T09:10:00.010+09:00

I recently purchased this camera on a whim while in Kagoshima, but despite my lack of careful deliberation, doing so turned out to be a smart move. The complete radness of this camera is not limited to the orange finish: as one of the latest 'tough' cameras to come to the market, it is shock resistant to 2m drops, waterproof to 10m, and captures 14MP images. Oh, and it shoots some quality HD video.

This is my crew in a sea cave in Miyako. The approach to this cave requires wading through water, so taking my DSLR was out of the question (and I can't afford a waterproof housing).

The images are rather outstanding when shot at close range underwater. Shooting at longer ranges naturally subjects your image to more external circumstances like water turbidity and lighting, so image quality seems to drop off rapidly with distance. My longer range underwater shots from this day are pretty unremarkable, so I'm not posting them here. However, I think that the camera is capable of beautiful underwater photos with the right conditions. That is to say that the camera has not been the limiting factor in my photos so far. I look forward to taking it to the limit next time we have a nice dive.

The excellent HD video capability is the unexpected best feature of this camera. Overlooking the poor quality of YouTube, check out this video:

I didn't wear a weight belt that day, so I kept floating and colliding with the tunnel overhead. Still, pretty cool.

Anyway, having underwater photography (and sweet video) has unlocked a new zone of shareable adventure here in Miyako. Look forward to more stuff.

Brief Thoughts After Mass Effect 2

2010-03-02T10:08:00.002+09:00

Mass Effect 2 is a great film. The plot is weird, but it is overcome by the excellent writing and mostly-engaging characters. Insofar as it is a game, however, there's so much more that could have been done to make it more than a fairly fun, generic 'press A to take cover' shooter. I'm not here to argue that larger topic, though. Instead I'd like to focus on one particular aspect that I can't stop thinking about: I wish there were some sort of PvP multiplayer that took advantage of the richness of the combat powers.

There is a lot of unexplored potential in the class-power scheme of the game. While there is nothing aggressively wrong with the AI in ME2, it remains the case that in terms of unpredictability and challenge, nothing can replace a human opponent. The new classes in ME2 are a load of fun, so the absence of a way to pit your carefully configured team against that of another person is pretty painful.

This issue comes to my mind whenever I spam the shit out of my enemies with my engineer's combat drone. Gunfights-- while exciting-- are a joke. There are never any 'whoa, almost didn't make it out of that one' moments because nearly every fight is a one-sided blowout where my team plows through the opposition. When it isn't that, it is just the enemy rushing my team and sacking Shepherd as if there is no way for me to affect the match. Circumstances rarely require the use of medi-gels.

The AI ALWAYS turns to fight the combat drone, taking the heat off me and giving me the opportunity to shoot at their backs with impunity. In contrast, a human player might not do that, instead choosing to press into my fire and land a killing shot.

I did have one fight in-game that could plausibly be called tactical. Fighting the Collectors on the moving platforms inside the dormant ship was tough the first four tries. I forget what they are called, but they've got these bubbled wretch-type things that hang back and hit you with one shockwave after another, destroying your shields and health in two successive glancing hits. The solution for victory turned out to be a simple flanking maneuver where I ran to an unoccupied platform and sniped the shit out of the bubble dude from his left. It was briefly rewarding, and I wonder whether Bioware could have created more situations like that.

Then again, maybe they made it this way on purpose; having to sit through the restart/loading screens is aggravating when you're fired up about killing.

As it is now, not all of the powers/abilities are suited for multiplayer. Available to the Vanguard class is the shockwave power, the noob tube of any hypothetical ME2 PvP encounter. It is staggeringly powerful. It goes through cover at long range and has an unexpectedly wide area of effect. When hit, it drops one's shields immediately-- a second hit means death. For Mass Effect to go multiplayer, something would have to be done to weaken shockwave.

I must reiterate that Mass Effect 2 is in no way a bad game-- Bioware accomplished exactly what they set out to do with the middle part of the trilogy. Mass Effect has always been about providing an excellent and pure single-player experience. In addition to dividing the effort of the developers, having a multiplayer component in ME2 would have detracted from the canonical unity of the narrative. Nevertheless, I just can't stop thinking of how excellent it would be to go up against other humans' squads pokemon-style. Matching team composition strategy and rapid tactical decision making would be a lot of fun and is the only way for the excitement of the combat system to reach its potential.

Besides, what's the point of having your own customized Commander Sheperd if you're the only person who is going to look at it?

*Disclaimer: playing on Veteran difficulty

Waido Marathon

2010-01-31T21:30:00.002+09:00

Two Sundays ago I completed my first footrace, the 21km component of Miyako's annual Waido Marathon. 'Waido' is a Miyako-dialect word that basically means 'ganbare,' or 'try hard/go for it', and that's what participants do for the most part.

Some work harder than others, though. The main event is a 100km loop around the coasts of Miyako and Ikema that takes the fastest runners about 7.5 hours. The next step down is a 50km marathon-plus that, interestingly enough, attracts few participants. The shortest available distance (and my trial run) was the 21km dash from Higashi Hennazaki (Eastern Cape) to the German culture village in Ueno. It is reasonably popular with us locals. There's something for everyone.

My training for the race was half-assed, and I credit this to a depressingly inert combination of ignorance and indolence. That is, the lead up to the race went just as I expected and not as I planned, if you catch my drift. The longest single run I achieved during training was a 10k, and that happened only once. I had a rough cough during the week of the race, but I decided to go for it-- not because I trained, but because I paid money and had received a shirt which would become embarrassingly inapplicable to me if I didn't complete the run.

And so I ran.

I learned a lot during the first 10km: how to run down hills without crying, that I should have started farther in the front of the starting pack, and that my Underarmour shirt was too fucking hot to be wearing that day. I took it off and tied it around my waist, leaving the outer shirt jauntily bunched up around my neck like a wreath. Got to have that airflow.

Kilometers 10 to 17 were pleasant, as far as these things go. I was zen-like as I breezed past the sugar cane on one side and the coast on the other.

The running reverie came to a crashing halt at kilometer 18 when my legs stiffened like curing cement. As a small guy, normal physical activity has never caused my knees to hurt, but this run caused some serious tension at the area immediately below them. I stretched a bit at the drink stations, downing sports drink and water and avoiding the bananas and brown sugar on offer.

Anyway, I eventually made to the end (no sprinting finish) and inhaled a pile of bananas, anpan, and water from the recovery area. My students from Ueno milled around in sporty blue jackets, handing out medals and refreshments to the runners as they finished.

Next up is the Irabu half marathon in February. I'm thinking about getting some Nike Free 5s (I have 7s right now) and developing a different stride. As it is, I run in a fairly conventional manner (landing on the heel after the stride), but lately I've been trying to avoid the heels and stay more bouncy like a barefoot runner. I'll give that style a go and put it to the test at the end of next month, sans Underarmour. Out.

Cracking the whip

2009-12-15T09:27:00.005+09:00

Cell phones aren't really a problem at most of my schools. The students aren't supposed to have them, and most abide. But, as you might expect, there is a direct relationship between the urbanity of a school's location and the visible prevalence of cell phone possession among students. I'm at my 'city school' this week. This isn't meant to imply that I'm teaching the worldly, urban street youth of Japan; no, these kids are, by any objective measure, parochial at their foundation. But they do like their cell phones.

The other ALT who works at this school (we sort of irregularly alternate weeks) has repeatedly found himself in situations where students openly (flauntingly?) operate their keitais during or between classes. Each teacher has her own approach (or lack of an approach) to discipline, and the students do take advantage of gaps in the armor. My friend has sufficient command of Japanese to address their behavior, and he does, but the situation brings up some issues regarding the role of ALTs in classroom discipline. What is the role of the ALT?

The responsibilities of an ALT are dictated by his individual situation. In junior high school, I work alongside other teachers. I view myself as support for the Japanese teacher of English, and that informs my level of involvement in classroom discipline. During my first year, I'd try to match the tone of the JTE. This meant that in less disciplined classes, I wouldn't try to single-handedly bring the class in line; I just accepted that that was the way the class was.

Chalk one up for cultural sensitivity. Hah. I'm too old for that now. This contract cycle, the Age of Intolerance resumes.

Recently I've been taking a more active, assertive role because I feel more knowledgeable and confident about Japanese and the behavior of my students. When I judge that the JTE doesn't have sufficient control of her class, I move about the room and attend to the problematic students while the JTE continues to teach.

ALTs in elementary schools often have to shoulder more of the classroom discipline burden as they don't work with JTEs as junior and senior high school ALTs do. A teacher who participates in the ALT's lesson can help to a certain extent, but one doesn't always have those teachers (some totally check out when the ALT takes over the class-- cookies and coffee in the break room). ALTs at the elementary level have to use more Japanese and be more assertive with discipline in order to be effective. Not to make them sound balanced or equivalent, but I actually have a hard time comparing JHS discipline with elementary discipline-- with the former, students are more recalcitrant but the JTE can help; with the latter, it's your own show but the students go nuts for inflatable hammers. Wait-- so do my JHS students...shit.

I think I've learned a few things while teaching in both situations. My Japanese isn't very imposing, and neither is my stature, so I rarely use the intimidation route to effect behavioral change. I find that just making the students uncomfortable with a conversation works best. I do this by merely directing my attention to that student (only that student). Most students don't want to be singled out against their will. The best thing about this approach is that it doesn't have to be negative at all; it's exactly not a confrontation. You can really just talk to the student about any dumb thing that comes to your mind; instead of saying, "Quit screwing around," I say, "Where's your notebook?" or things like that. Some kind of simple, simple English sentence works; a barrage of the Queen's doesn't. I don't speak Japanese at all in junior high school classes as a rule, and this approach to discipline allows me to be consistent. Anyway, at best, the student changes his behavior so he doesn't have to speak English with the ALT; at worst, he gets some English conversation practice in.

Back to the cell phones. Discussing the problem, my friend and I agreed that the teachers should be stricter with the students to show that they are serious about following the rules, but we also acknowledged that the teachers may simply be picking their battles. Still, we wondered about the role of the ALT here. Can you overlook a blatant infraction? In new ALT training, it was pounded into our heads that ALTs are supposed to be super-genki, creative, and fun. Finding students operating their cell phones put my friend in a tough position vis-a-vis the whole 'fun, friendly ALT' thing: he wondered whether he should tell the JTE, making her aware of the situation but likely alienating the students (who would find out that the ALT told her), or take it upon himself to square away the student. He chose the latter, and I think it was the right thing to do because it was the potentially constructive route. It gave the offending student an opportunity to change his behavior. Now, I say 'potentially constructive' because the students were back at it again the next time my friend visited the school, but you know...

Anyway, each ALT must communicate with her JTE in order to establish how to handle classroom discipline, and she must find out for herself what sort of approach will work best with her students. For example, my friend who teaches primary school in Cameroon says that students there are beaten daily.

MW Local Multiplayer

2009-12-10T11:15:00.007+09:00

Crap, I remember what I wanted to write about in the first place. Again, the proper MW2 review is on another machine and will be up soon. Right now I'm just going to say a bit about how we've (yes, 'we'; I haven't been playing by myself or online very often) been playing Modern Warfare 2. I haven't had this much fun playing a game since we were doing system-link Halo 3 grifball during the last ALT contract cycle. And to think that it is just 2v2 stuff this time...outstanding.

MW2 has somehow just worked for us. The last time we tried to play a Call of Duty game (MW1, World at War), people got discouraged because there was a big skill variance between me (who owns both games) and my friends who...gamely gave the games a go. I had sympathy for that feeling, and it wasn't particularly fun for me to play the game without knowledgeable opponents, either. On top of that, there were usually more than four of us wanting to play and we had ready access to system-linked Halo. Shit just wasn't aligned for CoD.

Things are different this time. Since the last contract cycle ended, our gaming crew has dwindled. We lost one dude (and thus his brother's participation as well) to the Okinawan mainland and two returned to the US (one of those two being arguably the best Halo player). Another fellow, while still here in Miyako, appeared to lose interest in playing over the summer. I felt similarly, in truth. While I hated the premise and game mechanics of Halo in the first place, its brilliant feature set won me over for a long time. But eventually, as all things do, it became stale. As for the new guys, only one appeared to have much interest in continuing the Halo Monday tradition.

Given this situation, I started to make provisions for more 1- and 4-player gaming, picking up titles like Carcassonne, Worms, and Operation Flashpoint: Dragon Rising. Due to the difficulties mentioned above, the CoD series games were never on the table.

In the middle of November I ordered a copy of the hotly-anticipated Modern Warfare 2. My hot anticipation merely involved intentions of plowing through the campaign, goofing around in online multiplayer (living on an island is like living in a black hole of latency), and getting some real mileage out of 2-player Spec Ops (a buddy and I had been playing Halo ODST to moderate enjoyment, so MW2 co-op was extremely appealing). I didn't expect to get into 4-player local at all.

Sure enough, I beat the campaign on my copy's day of arrival, the Sunday after the mid-year JET conference in Okinawa. I played some multiplayer online as well and was pleased by the panoply of new weapons, equipment, and killstreak rewards. That week, Long Beach* and I got into some Spec Ops and had fun. New York* and Eugene* showed up later, and we decided to give 4-player split-screen a go, not thinking that it would be much different than the experience we had on CoD4 or WaW. It was.

As far as I can tell, what makes MW2 local 4-player better than that of WaW and CoD4 Number is the local multiplayer experience tracking/weapon unlocks/custom loadouts feature of the former.

Bluntly, I had a big leg-up on my crew when it came to skill because I had been playing the game several days before they did. While this was discouraging in CoD4 and WaW (hereafter together referred to as CoD), in MW2 that disappointment is offset by the fact that just about everyone unlocks something during each game, be it as significant as leveling up or as cosmetic as getting a new title for your name. Similarly, being able to customize so much-- even without access to all of the weapons from the start-- gives each player a sense of individuality that, however shallow it may be, helps keep him ever in search of the ideal configuration for his strategy or style. The experience/unlocks system maintains their interest in the game even in the face of repeated losses, because no matter what, some progress is being made.

My favorite thing about the local multiplayer experience tracking is how, with time, each player develops his own style and branches away from the others. With the exception of Long Beach (who has consistently used launchers and LMGs from the start), everyone focuses on developing a fast UMP loadout at the beginning. I've seen it happen five times, once being myself. I think this had more to do with the nature of the 4-player games we were doing rather than some imbalanced quality of the UMP. In our current 'mature' statuses, we are as follows:

Eugene favors the assault rifle class and rarely resorts to a secondary weapon. He's a mover and shooter who hits more headshots than anyone else. Pretty handy with the knife as well. His long-time weapon was the M4 with a heartbeat sensor, but he's recently been using the FAL and continues to improve his long-range game.

As mentioned above, Long Beach is invariably seen with a launcher. Our early games usually involved me being grief-ed to tears by his AT-4 rocket, but he's since taken up the standalone grenade launcher to better effect (to Marksman III-- no one else is ever going to get that); it's basically his primary weapon. He's often found prone in corners, working both for and against his advantage. Long Beach definitely gets the Most Sportsmanlike award because he took a lot of beating early on but persevered. He makes a great teammate for a lighter, faster-moving player.

New York is skilled and fun to play with because, like me, he prefers CoD-style games over Halo and has an intuitive grasp of the game mechanics. Fortunately, aside from both being aggressive players, we have radically different playing styles. NY is the only player who consistently uses a shotgun (AA12) and an assault rifle grenade launcher attachment. Reflecting on his loadouts right now, I can see that they are really geared toward the gametypes we regularly play, like Sabotage and Headquarters; we don't do a lot of long-range fighting, and his kits and play style indicate that.

New Zealand* is the most specialized player. Starting with the universal UMP-fast dude setup and developing it out, he now tears around the map with akimbo SMGs and all of the relevant speed- and hip shooting- related perks. I imagine that it's like playing Doom 1 or something. Meeting him indoors usually turns out badly for the person who isn't him due to the sheer volume of fire his setup provides. Recently he's started using the TAR21 to good effect and is getting better at using the sights. I'd say he is an aggressive player.

Melbourne* is our newest player and the one who plays games the least. He's a capable medium-long range shooter (good timing + hard-hitting assault weaponry). Not having the same access to weapons that the others have, his loadout is less than exotic. Nevertheless, while usually getting massacred in FFA deathmatches as a new player, he's quite effective in team games. He's saved the day for me numerous times in games against more experienced pairs.

As for me, I watch screens.

Anyway, it's a pretty cool scheme. While higher level players have access to a larger absolute arsenal, it is only by the individual player's time and effort that he unlocks the attachments for the weapons. For example, Eugene and I both have the M4, but he (at a lower level than me) has access to attachments for it that I don't have (heartbeat sensor and stuff). The race continues for completion of a weapon's unlocks; I think New Zealand may win it with his near-c0ntinuous use of a UMP-based kit.

There are other improvements found in MW2. There are small maps, and the larger ones scale well. 'Shipment' from CoD4 was too small and an obvious throwaway of a map, but 'Rust' from MW2 has the appropriate complexity for 4 players to have a constant firefight. Of all the MW2 maps, perhaps only 'Derail', 'Wasteland', and 'Estate' are problematically large. The new death streaks are also good, but it's not because they help the losing player that I like them. The reason I like having death streaks is that they provide a dumping ground for the more annoying and crappy perks from MW1 like Martyrdom and Last Stand (here called Final Stand). MW2 still has Last Stand as a standard perk, but it's nerfed. You can't draw the handgun as fast as you can in MW1. We went back to play WaW last night for shits and grins, and my use of Martyrdom had my friends howling with indignation. Some stuff just isn't missed.

A gaming routine has emerged. Several times a week we meet up at my place to play several rounds, and playing with friends has pretty much become the only gaming I do these days. We're kind of 'on a day, off a day.' It works with everyone's schedule and we don't get too burned out (quite the contrary, in fact; I find myself not wanting to play at all the next day, but then being unable to wait for it the day after that).

All of this greatness from MW2 local multiplayer just fills me with that much more sorrow that it doesn't deliver split-screen system link. It would be a real contender for the be-all, end-all game of this console generation if it could run 8 players on two consoles. But I see that split-screen system-linkers like us are a tiny minority of the gaming market for whom development is not profitable. I understand it, but it sucks.

*Names changed to hide the guilty.

Stuff

2009-12-10T09:35:00.004+09:00

Howdy,

I've been here in Miyako for over a year now and the sheer amount of shit my students give each other still staggers me. Today one student approached the blackboard to throw a suction-cup ball at an English vocabulary word (it's part of a game) and the rest of the students in this 17-person class started screaming about how long this kid's legs are (he's comparatively tall).
Two things: (1) That this dude is tall is not new to the class. The composition of this group hasn't significantly changed in over 8 years of schooling. (2) The comments were actually neutral-sounding, but that's the way Japanese people tend to take the piss out of anyone who momentarily stands out. Again, it never fails to fascinate me.

In other news:

I typed up a review of Infinity Ward/Activision's November release, Modern Warfare 2, but it's on my other computer and I haven't posted it yet. In that review I don't go on about how awesome or crappy the game is-- instead I talk about a few of the changes IW made to the MW formula that make the new one more 'casual gamer'-oriented than the last. I'll finalize it and put it up this afternoon when I get back to the big machine.

However, I usually bring a laptop with me to schools (this is where I'm writing from right now). It's a Gateway MTxxxx purchased straight off the shelves of Office Depot in 2007 and is currently running Ubuntu Linux. I've been pretty happy with it as far as word processing and web browsing go. Video isn't really a problem, either, but it won't push anything that involves OpenGL or lightly intensive 3D graphics. Originally the machine had Vista, and it would run Aero without a hitch, but I've since moved Vista to the homebuilt machine and replaced it here with Ubuntu. Again, I use this only for wapuro and browsing, so Ubuntu is ideal. It boots up quickly, drivers haven't been a problem, and-- contrary to the daunting image of Linux-- I haven't had to use the command line terminal once since installation. I also like how each release is aesthetically better than the last. I think it's a pretty good deal.

About Maj. Nidal Malik Hasan

2009-11-30T14:32:00.004+09:00

I wrote this on Facebook a minute ago, but it seemed worth posting here as well.

I'm no legal scholar, but I do think it would be symbolically valuable for Hasan face treason or treason-related charges (again, strictly speaking, I'm unsure of what options are out there) in addition to the thirteen premeditated murder charges because the fact that he is an officer in our nation's military needs to be highlighted. Assuming he is guilty (...hah...), we've got this instance in which an individual who swore loyalty and allegiance to the United States willingly enabled a new interest to usurp the priority of that commitment.

Calling this terrorism is either hysterical or merely for political advantage among certain audiences. It's trendy and sound-bitey without being clear about what the accused is. The more severe charge-- the real crime itself, I think-- is this demonstration of disloyalty through murder. The US military isn't perfect, but it has often been one of the more egalitarian institutions of American society. That's admirable and something to be proud of, and Hasan's alleged actions spit in the face of that achievement. Again, there are failures, but one's race and religion are generally of little concern to the military if one can do the job that is assigned. The grand ideal is that those who serve agree (in the deepest and most formal sense) to act according to duty and loyalty (yes, despite the scintillating leadership of self-interested career politicians). It works when everyone is on the same page regarding what's most important. It can't work if a soldier has another priority, if he is ultimately more concerned about (and acts according to) the interests of Islam, making money, black people, Canada, atheism, poodle enthusiasts, Christianity, Freemasonry, Jedi knights, or anything but the aims of the military. The murders are horrible. That the targets were fellow servicemen is a separate and distinct injury, and I think it should be noted in public, legal terms.

This isn't to say that there shouldn't be dissent. Dissent is part of being American; it's part of being human. American society and the American military do allow it to varying degrees. But ultimately, you've got to know where you stand. What Hasan cares about is pretty evident, and it's not the army. He could have refused to be deployed and simply faced the legal ramifications, but he instead allegedly decided to shoot people. It was an attack on the personnel, morale, and overall fighting ability of our forces. The shooter isn't someone who wants the US to succeed, and yet he is a serviceman. It seems particularly grievous.

Now, regardless of whether this is to be called terrorism, the military should combat the spread of radical Islam (and everything subversive to the military's mission) within its ranks for the sake of doing its job effectively. Much was made of the institutional efforts to prevent extreme right-wing groups from gaining traction among soldiers a while ago, if I remember correctly, so I guess this is something that military does do. Understanding Hasan's motives does matter-- not for his sake or to sympathize, but to prevent this sort of thing from happening again.

Anyway, in short, I see a traitor here rather than a terrorist (whatever 'terrorist' eventually comes to mean). Are we terrorized, or are we appropriately pissed off about someone violently crapping on the concept of duty?

*If this 'traitor' angle has been beaten to death in the US media already, I apologize-- I'm somewhat out of the loop.

Interesting article.

Miyakojima Track and Field Competition

2009-10-25T15:35:00.003+09:00

Last week I had the opportunity to participate in a general track event here in Miyako. This place isn't called 'sports island' for nothing.

I ran in a 4x100m relay, which suited me just fine. Another ALT competed in the 400m and 4x400m relay, while one more of us competed in the long jump and triple jump.

We didn't set any records, but we had a pretty good showing (note to self: get track spikes). I'm looking forward to next year's event-- we're going to get some training done in the meantime.

A DIY Era, Part 1: Building a PC

2009-10-10T18:04:00.029+09:00

EDIT: Hey, I'm not sure why the pictures don't open in a separate window when you click on them-- screw it. Also, the formatting, font, and font size seem to vary throughout the document. What I see when I type in the Blogger editor and the actual output are different.

Like the vast majority of modern young men, I enjoyed David Fincher's Fight Club because I felt that it spoke to me. I liked it so much that I, like so many others, even went so far as to read the original novel by Palahniuk (no one ever, ever did that). But perhaps it will strike you as strange that my favorite scene, rather than one with vandalismor a monologue or combat, is the one in which the narrator and Tyler drive down a dark, rainy highway with two other Project Mayhem dudes in the backseat.

Narrator: [Tyler steers the car into the opposite lane and accelerates] What are you doing?
Tyler Durden: Guys, what would you wish you'd done before you died?
Ricky: Paint a self-portrait.

The Mechanic: Build a house.
Tyler Durden: [to Narrator] And you?
Narrator: I don't know. Turn the wheel now, come on!
Tyler Durden: You have to know the answer to this question! If you died right now, how would you feel about your life?
Narrator: I don't know, I wouldn't feel anything good about my life, is that what you want to hear me say? Fine. Come on!
Tyler Durden: Not good enough.

I like this scene because I deliberately bypass the main content of it. I can't enjoy the narrator's whinging ('whinging') has supplanted 'whining' in my vocabulary). No, I like the responses from Ricky and the mechanic. They name tasks that are both substantial and mundane. They make absolutely no claim as to the quality of their work. They're just going to do it. Or would do it if given the chance. Or will do it as soon as possible lest they die soon. I was totally sidetracked by this scene and subsequently missed much of the film due to deep consideration of the question. I thought about the sorts of things I'd like to accomplish myself. One of those things was traveling on the Trans-Siberian railroad. Another is building a computer.

I've finished one of those so far. Russia sure is cold, and there isn't a whole lot to see from the window other than a great expanse of-------
Nay, I built a computer.

Utterly talked into it by friends (2) and family (1), my goal was to inexpensively construct a desktop PC with fundamental components purchased from an online computer parts store. Here's what I got:

AMD Phenom II X2 550 Black Edition CPU

Foxconn A7DA-S 3.0 Motherboard

4 GB of DDR3 RAM

Sapphire ATI Radeon HD 4870 1GB

some DVD drive...some hard disk drive...

White case with soothing blue LED on front panel; is otherwise generic and has a 450W PSU

By far the most challenging task was doing the research on parts compatibility and power. I wanted a machine that would function harmoniously and offer good cost/performance. Much was learned about computers before I finally arrived at the above configuration...

Getting the parts was painless because most businesses in Japan offer cash-on-delivery and shipping is absurdly fast, even when moving things out here to Miyako.

Building the thing itself was mostly smooth and uneventful. I had some trouble fitting the motherboard-video card combination into the case (jiggling the boards and whatnot to get them situated was pretty nerve-racking). But anyway, pictures:

The CPU (AMD Phenom II X2 550 Black Edition) uses the Socket AM3-type of motherboard-CPU coupling armature interface (keep your wig on-- as a philosophy major I'm qualified and licensed to make up terms as needed).

The Foxconn A7DA-S 3.0 motherboard has the appropriate socket. I believe it also supports Sockets AM2 and AM2+ (is that the same as AM3? I think I saw that somewhere...). It can also rock the DDR3 RAM, a feature of which I took advantage. <-- Do we go so far as to risk awkward sentence formulations just to avoid the commonplace but proscribed ending of a sentence with a preposition? I do sometimes.

The GPU (Sapphire ATI RADEON HD4870 1GB): The card was probably the most difficult thing to decide upon (gah!). I chose this one because it isn't the most powerful card on the market this year, but it offers great performance on all games at far higher resolutions than I intend to run. I love high-definition as much as the next guy, but if I can run 60 fps on nearly anything at 1680x1050, I'm more than happy. I intend to keep the adequate-yet-modest LCD I have now for a while yet, and until I change the display, a better card would be overkill. Also, the HD4870 seemed to be where the performance return from getting a higher end card began to drop off sharply while the increase in price did not. In other words, I think the HD 4870 was the sweet spot of value when I made the purchase. Of course, you may notice that I did get the 1 GB version; apparently the memory helps when you're dealing with lots of textures. If it becomes a necessity next year, I'll grab another 4870 (even cheaper by then) and do some Crossfire action.

I seated the GPU into the PCI-E slot without incident. This particular card is something of a beast, requiring two connections to the PSU rather than drawing power from the motherboard via the PCI-E connection. There is a hot, masked CG babe on the card as well. My friend says she makes the processors run faster.

Installing the CPU was a lot easier than I expected. It's somewhat taxing because you are conscious of how fragile and crucial the CPU is but nevertheless have to secure it in a high-tension retaining device and then install a (possibly) massive heatsink-fan assembly on it. And the pins...so many... Fortunately, the CPU dropped into place effortlessly once the pins were lined up with the socket (motherboard-CPU coupling armature interface). I could feel slight resistance as I pulled the retaining arm down to secure the CPU, but it wasn't particularly concerning. The original AMD heatsink-fan came prepared with a patch of heat transfer paste, and I merely had to remove the plastic film on it before setting the whole thing against the CPU.

In a rustily ironic turn of events, one week after finishing the system, I went poking around the inside of the running computer to gather cables so they wouldn't get caught in the fans only to succeed in making a cable leap into the CPU fan, thereby chipping a blade and rendering my computer the sonic equivalent of an air compressor.

I deserve it. Moving on...

The silver lining here is that I ended up buying a replacement heatsink-fan setup for the CPU that works much better than the stock one (CPU temperature now sits at about 34 C instead of 45 C). It's a Cooler Master-- it has a larger fan, massive heat sink, and the four copper pipes running through actually contact the CPU itself by being flush with the base of the assembly. I put some extra heat paste on there to fill in the tiny gaps where the pipes cut through the base. It's been working great so far.

Anyway, I connected all of the SATA junk, power cables, and whatnot (but only after first trying to start it without plugging in the CPU power cable-- it didn't run very fast then). Connecting the small connectors from the hard disk activity light, the soft power and reset switches, et al. was sort of mendoukusai, but the helpful labeling of everything made sense. I turned it on, heard the test beep, got the BIOS screen, and enjoyed the mellow satisfaction of having built a computer.

First I installed Windows 7 RC, but I found out that the version of 7 that I had downloaded in the summer was the 32-bit one (limiting me to 3.3 GB of RAM or whatever) and the drivers that came with my computer parts weren't working perfectly. I had Vista on it shortly thereafter and got everything in order. I think playing Team Fortress 2 was the first thing I did. It ran well. I was pleased.

Naturally, I was curious about the limits of the machine. I installed Oblivion and it ran absurdly fast-- it had that strange (to me) look that high FPS motion creates. Awesome. It froze once or twice in the two hours I played, but it seemed to work well when it worked. I downloaded the single player demo for Crysis for the next test. The first run caused the computer to freeze during the opening skydiving sequence (just before the player hits the water). A second try yielded better results-- 45+ FPS. As I mused to myself about how mediocre the shooting was and the in-game dawn broke, the screen suddenly went black. The computer's fans were quiet, and no light came from the mouse, keyboard, or front panel. It was a complete power failure likely caused by the weak-ass Scythe PSU included with the case. I think. I have no proof. Some time afterward I decided to break the CPU fan as described above.

Acting on my feeling, I selected a new PSU (Kurotoshikou 650W) when I ordered the replacement heat sink fan. It rocks; it's got two 12V rails wielding 30A. People who say you shouldn't cut costs by getting a cheap PSU are right.

Since the installation of the new PSU and heatsink-fan, I've had absolutely no problems with stability. Oblivion crashes to desktop from time to time, but that's probably more to do with the volatile combination of mods I'm running to make it look and play better rather than the machine itself. I ran Crysis on 1680x1050 at very high settings just to see what would happen. Sure enough, I managed to slow the framerate to 4-player Goldeneye levels (not so low as 4-player Perfect Dark), but only at first. Once the game got moving, it was quite playable. I'll take it. That's one life goal accomplished...

TL;DR: I ALWAYS WANTED TO BUILD A COMPUTER. I HAVE NOW DONE IT; IT IS AWESOME.

Next time, Letters from Novosibirsk

OR

A DIY Era, Part 2: Painting a Motorcycle...

One is slightly more likely than the other.

Battlefield 1943 and Provoked Thoughts

2009-09-30T09:04:00.005+09:00

What it do--

I'll save the details for another post, but I've found most of my recent physical disc game purchases have been pretty underwhelming (Red Faction: Guerrilla and Left 4 Dead, I'm looking at you.). And I still hate Halo 3 as much as ever despite it being our (Miyako crew's) community standard.

On the other hand, the offerings found on the Xbox Live Arcade shine time and time again. In terms of value/expense, the downloadable games are far superior to the 60 USD releases, and Battlefield 1943 (1200 Microsoft Points, 15 USD) is a prime example. Halo3: ODST is a prime example of the opposite.

Battlefield 1943 does little, if anything, that is new. However, it does a lot of small things right, and these small excellencies come together to make a consistently enjoyable experience. In no particularly significant order, I'll mention a few of my favorite aspects.

Unlimited/recharging ammo is a great feature. It's one less (trivial) thing to worry about, and it doesn't detract from the game. While it may sound like a game-killer to have unlimited rifle grenades, for example, the recharging ammo dynamic actually prevents it from ever becoming a problem (shoot, reload, shoot, wait for recharge). Recharging ammo also helps keep up the pace of the game as players need not take time to seek out supply drops.

The same goes for regenerating health. While many people complain about recharging health, I think it makes combat much more interesting (the implementation of medics notwithstanding). Having non-regenerating health typically goes hand in hand with having too much health and being able to take a ridiculous amount of damage (which is utterly reviled among my gaming crew) or being killed by a stubbed toe after a lengthy battle that wore you down slowly. Neither of these are game-breakers, but regenerating health has substantial gameplay advantages. It's not several small amounts of damage that will bring a target down-- you have to think about your attack and make sure you hit hard when you have the chance (whether it's from you maneuvering intelligently or the target making an error). Further, there's no gray area where you're at 40-70% health and are not sure whether to risk an attack or retreat for a health refill. With recharging health, you're either scrapping for cover or ready to go on the offensive. I can see how people would get some gameplay out of quantified health, but I find that recharging health improves the pace of a fight.

DICE/EA's single best move may be the Coral Sea Air Superiority game mode. Before its introduction, players who dedicated themselves to flying airplanes would sit at the home base runways and wait for planes to spawn. In short, it was a waste of manpower. With the addition of Coral Sea, the flyboys gained an outlet. I noticed that the intensity (and overall fun) of the ground game concurrently increased. Now planes in Conquest mode are more or less used as a way to rocket over to a capture point and parachute down to glory. They even sit unused in many games.

The three classes (Scout/Sniper, Infantry/Antitank, and Rifleman/Rifleman) appear to be used pretty evenly among players. More interesting, however, is how their abilities play out offensively and defensively. While I play as every class, I favor the scout because I like the demolition charges. Choosing a capture point to defend, scattering charges around it, and retiring to a hiding place some distance away to watch over it (with eyes downrange and detonator in hand) is a great role for the solitary player.

The HUD system is great for this style of combined arms wargame. The player has a radar on which enemies appear only when spotted (hit) by you/your teammates or when firing themselves. Relevant icons also appear on the field of view, tracking targets through brush. Most impressively, though, is how the marking icons fade from view or gradually fail to track the targets as they move away or pass behind obstructions. It's a great system that I think DICE should retain; the stealthy players get a fair shake while everyone else gets into the action with minimal frustration.

While I'd like to see more than 4 maps (3 that I actually play), even more players than 24, and a way to stay on the same team as your friends, BF1943 is probably the best value on Xbox Live. Except for Carcassonne.

Motorcycle stuff...

2009-09-16T10:46:00.004+09:00

EDIT: I wrote this in Word and copy-pasted it here. The formatting is schizo and I refuse to change it.

I’ve had motorcycles on the brain for a while now, but never before has the fever burned so insistently. Bikes are literally all I think about these days. Providing that my love of motorcycling doesn’t displace my love of guitars, the panoply of my dedicated hobbies will paint me as a totally rad dude.

I’d been thinking of replacing the Hornet since I had the experience of riding a 400 in driving school. I think I finally came to my (financial) senses this week, or at least I’ve been able to convince myself that the Hornet is worth hanging on to. I’ve been doing a little reading on the 250 Hornet and the CB400 standard bike. Apparently (and this is anything but unexpected) Japan has restrictions on the amount of power middle class (chuugata) bikes can have (not just a limitation on displacement), meaning that the difference in displacement between my 250 and a 400 doesn’t actually lead to a large difference in power between the engines. Admittedly, I’m not knowledgeable on this topic yet and expect that there are severely diminishing returns when you increase an engine’s displacement to increase the power, but I anticipated a greater difference in power between the Hornet and a CB400 than a mere 8-10 hp (citation needed). Torque is much more kicky on the 400, of course. I’m still hunting for more information on this issue…

Anyway, I’m currently in the midst of a renaissance with my bike, the Hornet. I was sort of down about it a few months ago when I got around to replacing its fat-ass rear tire (180 on a 250?!). It’s just goddamn expensive. Also, I put slight scrapes on both sides of the tank that detract from its appearance significantly (update: I totally cratered the tank on a curb while racing the other day; no punctures, though). The wheels and rear sprocket are filthy with road grime, brake dust, and thrown-off chain grease, and the rust damage continues to creep. It’s a pain in the ass to work on anything without a center stand, so I’m checking the internets for one right now. I’d love to spend a weekend cleaning the thing…

Now I love the green machine. The current renaissance is a product of my constant reading about bikes. In comparing the Hornet to its potential replacements, I unwittingly learned more news about it. And the news is good.

First, I think I’ve got an early Hornet, maybe as early as 1996. It was received extremely positively (citation needed), and it’s cool to be riding an original.

Second, as I briefly mentioned before, the engine is pretty rocking for a 250. The 249 cubic centimeter motor gets over 24 Nm of torque (11,000 rpm) and 40 hp (at 14,000 rpm). Why did I just name those figures in metric and Imperial units? I don’t know—it just seemed more tangible to me than using one system or the other. Anyway, this engine is meant to scream. It redlines at 16,000 RPM and doesn’t even get busy (and this was news to me) until 10,000 rpm. OK, I knew that running higher revs would produce more power generally (thank you), but going over 10,000 had always just seemed excessive to me. I usually kept the machine turning slowly as I went about town thinking that it would save gas and prolong the life of the engine. However, my mileage driving that way was about 180km before reserve. Last week, when I tried running the machine at higher average rpm (and with more playful power), I got 220 km before reserve. I’m still trying to sort that out (and repeat the experiment), but I think that this engine is meant to be run faster than I had been running it. In short, the bike has a lot of power that I wasn’t effectively utilizing. Also, while it has a high pitched whine at low (>8000) rpm, the timbre radically changes to an absolute scream when opening the throttle. It’s easy to visualize air and exhaust racing through the system.

Third, I am now dead certain that the (a?) previous owner did some custom work on the appearance of the bike. Unlike stock Hornets, my bike doesn’t have the jagged Hornet logo painted on the sides of the tank. Instead it’s got chrome automotive letters spelling ‘HORNET’ running along the sides. Also, the green paint is chipping in places, revealing a layer of silver underneath. Why is this good news? I’ve been thinking about painting the Hornet, and I wasn’t certain whether the plastic parts could be easily painted; apparently it’s not a problem. I’m considering black and white right now, but I’m going to draw up a few designs. A new coat of paint would help cover the tank scrapes and give me reason to remove those chrome letters. They are odious.

Anyway, it’s an exciting time for motorcycling. I recently got riding shoes and gloves, so I’m pretty excited about the next track day when I can show off my latest fashions and subsequently get destroyed on the time trial.

Movies and music

2009-08-26T23:29:00.004+09:00

Yo, I just watched this film, Hotel Venus, and while I'm not writing a review here, I do want to mention that it is pretty interesting in several ways. It's a joint Korean-Japanese production with lots of talent from both countries. In a leading role is SMAP dude and Korea-phile Tsuyoshi Kusanagi as a tap-dancing dude who can't advance his life past a traumatic experience in which-- well, no spoilers (Not because I care, but because I'm lazy.). Anyway, a bunch of troubled, crazy folks with mundanely appropriate nicknames ('Doctor' for the drunk physician, 'Boy' for the young man trying to prove he's tough, etc.) live in this hotel owned by an androgynous old person called 'Venus' (which when pronounced in Korean sounds like 'penis'; my observation was not appreciated by fellow viewers) and generally operated by Kusanagi's character.

Anyway, the monochromatic film is pretty slow at the start, but it does eventually become rather interesting in a hopeless way. Basically, shit pans out for some of the characters, but not all of them (i.e. being unable to change things that are out of their control), and isolation between people is the dominant theme. I don't speak Korean, so I had to awkwardly follow the Japanese subtitles, but my attention was sufficiently captured by the performances of the entire cast. And there was Miki Nakatani.

Also, in other news: We're planning a little live musical performance of sorts for next month, so I have been learning a few new tunes. I mention this now because we encountered a real gem of a song while watching Hotel Venus. It's called "These Days," and it is performed by Love Psychedelico.

Miyako Victory Lap

2009-08-26T17:44:00.003+09:00

Guess who's back to terrorize the highways.

Forcing self to write

2009-08-22T14:05:00.005+09:00

August has been rough. Due to the sheer glut of things worth writing/lamenting about that have passed, I will not be addressing the gritty details of this month anytime soon. Key words include spending 200,000 yen, not being able to legally drive, girl problems, typhoon-induced rust on my bike, sprained ankle, stripped screws, and RROD-ed 360.

However, I did get this today (which I am pretty happy about):

The yellow Honda Urban Rain Suit

2009-08-20T15:53:00.001+09:00

I know I haven't written anything in about...forever, but I just got a hot new keyboard and it's going to make typing a lot easier. Back shortly.

Final Answer?

2009-07-10T09:09:00.003+09:00

Remember the manzai lunch?

Here the shougakkou 4th graders perform an impromptu game-show style quiz for everyone's post-lunch entertainment.

Sega Outrun: Miyako

2009-06-16T09:07:00.004+09:00

Video game box art?

Sure, the island is small, but it looks like this. No complaints from this guy.

2009-05-25T15:45:00.003+09:00

The beginning of April is a big time in for civil employees in Japan. We ALTs got a new supervisor at the board of education, the other office workers got shuffled around, and many teachers at all of the schools were switched around all over the place. And our board of education itself was relocated out of its convenient, reasonable placement at the center of the city to a distant building on the other side of the island. Makes for a nice motorcycle ride, though.

Anyway, the respective office ladies of a few of my schools changed. Introducing myself to one of them one day, I thought it interesting to compare my katakana name (ザック, ZAKKU) to the semi-onomatopoeic Japanese expression for crunchy food texture, さくさく (SAKUSAKU).

You don't need to tell me how ill advised that was. The comparison fails to make sense. I know; let's continue.

So I basically explained to the office lady that my name is funny because it resembles a snack food expression and that that expression translates to 'crispy' in English. Not amused yet? Yeah. I don't think she was either; she listened too intently, and without the mirth I had hoped for. She now calls me "Crispy" every time I see her. Fun story.

The Era of Irrationality Continues

2009-05-15T21:30:00.001+09:00

I just stormed away in a huff from this band Im watching because the lead guitarist's tone is an undifferentiated mess of delay, flange, and wah. Damn.

Yo dawg, I heard you like well lit restrooms

2009-05-15T19:16:00.003+09:00

so we put neons in your toilet so you're backlit while you doo doo.

New Shirts

2009-05-06T10:21:00.003+09:00

We continue down the slippery slope:

I recently bought a few T-shirts here in Miyako that feature some mean Engrish. Shirts that feature Engrish are a dime-a-dozen in Asia, but I think the ones I found stand out as being extremely poetic or extremely relevant. To me. Thus, the contents of these shirts:

(1) PAINT FAME

Can you hear - footsteps of the future.

Listen for paradise.

Sound evolves one step further.

Sound is life.

I hear nostalgic sounds.

Graphic T's in the States are simple affairs with a setup and a punchline. In Japan we wear cinquains.

(2) A NEW TYPE GOOD TASTE

Man, can't even argue with that one.

Finally, my favorite:

(3) LEARNING IS WORK

THERE ARE SOME THINGS WE MUST KNOW IS THERE ANYONE WHO DOESN'T KNOW THAT?

I WANT TO KNOW EVERYTHING

A shirt after my own heart, I suppose.

Summer may be Here.

2009-05-05T15:51:00.003+09:00

Maehama beach. Preferred venue for v-ball.

2009-04-23T13:31:00.002+09:00

The mystery beverage option on a vending machine. Yeah.

Doing work.

2009-04-19T13:26:00.003+09:00

Announcing at Miyako Strongman Triathlon.

NOTICE

2009-04-17T14:33:00.001+09:00

I just read an entire article in a Japanese newspaper for the first time. Movin' on up...

Ah...WORTHLESS

2009-04-16T20:36:00.003+09:00

I guess this is what happens to most blogs. The writer starts out strong enough, but slowly and surely the time between each post lengthens until all activity has utterly fled the page.

I think this can be avoided. Here's my offer:

If you'll tolerate my posts not being in chronological order at all, then I'll do my best-- nay-- guarantee that this thing will go on until it is one year old.

Anyway

I usually teach junior high school, but recently I've been deployed to an elementary school. I go there once a week and, unlike junior high school where I work with JTEs, I pretty much run the show. I decide what the kids learn (things that amuse me) and how they learn it (rowdy games, no writing).

It's a fun time. It's also more work.

Anyway, I like my students, and most of them like me well enough, but the fourth grade class at this school is the "ZT IS RAD TO THE POWER OF SICK" club. They think I'm the shit-- fucking awesome-- the tightest MF-er on the planet-- the bee's knees.

I did something right with these kids when I first met them. I don't remember what that was, but I do know that it has led us to a point where they turn cartwheels when I show up.

Hey, who doesn't enjoy being liked?

I try to return the favor by being a good sport. I amuse them by making dumb faces my father taught me, doing the old broken arm illusion (I was going to embed a link to explain, but I can't find an example of it on the internet), and letting them leap on to my back from higher perches.

Ninja children.

Anyway, I got to eat lunch with my crew today. Little did I know that we were in for a manzai lunch.

Manzai, as I understand it, is a form of Japanese stand up comedy. It frequently appears on the TV variety shows. It usually consists of two comedians, one of whom is the 'straight man' while the other is the goofier one. Hilarity ensues as the straight man berates the goofy one and is ultimately embarassed or otherwise comically defeated by the latter.

The plan was to eat lunch and then send a few students to the front of the class to act like fools for everyone's dining enjoyment. But as soon as I finished my Harajuku Banana Chocolate Dog (it's like an eclair) I was yanked to the front and ordered to dance.

I was going to embark upon a lengthy socio-policial protest against being cast as a English-teaching gaijin clown, but my ears were greeted by the pleasant sounds of an Okinawan folk song (reworked for school children) pouring out of the intercom system.

I really wanted to dance.

I glanced at my backup dancers waiting behind me and, without warning, attempted everything that white men not named Justin Timberlake should never try.

Of course, the class loved it. But I could have done anything. I was glad I did something.

Anyway, it was a pretty rocking time even though the manzai turned out to be a 'Get ZT to Dance - Noontime Special.' Man, these kids are WIN. Hell, I just added yet another aspect to the ongoing 'ZT IS AWESOME TO FOURTH GRADERS BECAUSE...' list:

1. He is super-strong-- he can lift a 9 year old with each arm and retain mobility with four attached to his back.

2. He is a great musician because he can play the guitar and the benjo (toilet). What's a banjo?

3. He is the best soccer player in Miyako and fast as lightning because he raced Taiga and Taiga's the fastest boy in Miyako and he won when they raced even when they raced four times and Zakku-sensei was tired and we gave everyone a 30m head start but not Zakku-sensei.

4. His monkey and fish faces are hilarious, and the swinging arm trick is endlessly amusing.

5. We get to scream like chimpanzees during English class.

And now...

6. He can dance really well, like Justin Timberlake.

O-HISASHIBURI

2009-03-24T22:08:00.004+09:00

I've been pretty lame at updating lately. Here's what's news (new's):

We've been going at diving pretty hard recently, which is great. So have the sea snakes. two Sundays ago my buddy and I counted 12 snakes over the course of a short 30 minute dive. As I read when I was researching them, these Colubrine sea kraits are indeed quite docile. New Caledonian children play with them and they are unaggressive toward divers. They are a curious sort that are fun to observe swimming around and surfacing for air.

And their venom is 15 times more potent than that of the king cobra. Cheers.

The previous Friday I spotted a reef shark of some sort. Couldn't tell what it was exactly. Not too large, however-- perhaps only 1.5 m or so. Didn't hang around.

I've taken up spearfishing as well. Like most things new to me here on Miyako, I experience painful disappointment with this activity because of my inability to do things well. But on this past outing I managed to jump a nice-sized parrotfish that was preoccupied with eating something on the reef. I landed what appeared to be an ideal hit-- straight into the gill area-- and pinned the fish to the rocks. It was a tough catch with a pole spear because of the depth of the water, and I was very pleased with myself. As images of tempura danced through my head, the parrotfish thrashed about and managed to tear its own body apart off of the spear and dash into a hole. I was pissed. I think fishing is great, but, like most people, I don't particularly enjoy killing or causing animals grief unless I am going to eat them; I'm not there just to ruin some fish's day. Damn.

On that same dive I reached a depth of 11.9 m. That's a new high score.

Miyako in NYTimes

2009-03-06T11:23:00.002+09:00

The article is a year old, but it is cool to see it anyway.

Diluvian Tales: Snakes in Miyako

2009-03-06T11:08:00.007+09:00

There aren't any. While other Ryukyu islands (Ishigaki, Iriomote, Okinawa, etc.) do have snakes, Miyako doesn't. Sources say that relative sea levels were higher in previous eras and much area of the islands was previously underwater. Miyako, being the geographical oddity that it is (it is extremely flat), was likely entirely submerged while the higher elevations of other islands remained above the water. Snakes (and presumably other animals) found refuge from the sea there, but no such purchase was to be found in Miyako.

However, we still have sea snakes. And they sure are curious about humans in the water.

EDIT: Apparently there are land snakes on the island. And a few sea snakes pursued us in the water today (13 MAR).

A Post for Posting's Sake

2009-03-03T14:16:00.004+09:00

Hey, it's your boy on this island of the southern East China Sea. I'm not doing much right now-- it's been a slow day at school-- but I am getting a fair bit of studying done. My goal is to pass the second level Japanese language proficiency test this year (this summer at the earliest), so I've got plenty of preparation to do. I found a few good study books (here’s one) and am having a go at it. About this particular book, though: I am startled at how well it fits my current Japanese ability. While the entire book is written in Japanese, each of the 173 individual grammar points is followed by an explanation that is concise and straightforward. That is, I'm not having to learn new grammar to simply read the provided explanations of new grammar. There is plenty of kanji, but it is accompanied by plenty of furigana. As I study the grammar I record any new words I encounter, so it is a pretty decent way to study, I figure.

People I've talked to recently have probably heard me gloat about how warm it is here. It is warm here. However, today is a bit cloudy and cool. Being an island, it's got some rapidly changing weather patterns. That smells oxymoronic. Anyway, you never know what's going to happen over the course of the meterological day, especially in the off months (i.e., not the 8 months of summer and not the 1 month of winter). I should have taken the motorcycle to school today, but I didn't, fooled as I was by the gray skies.

Fun fact: I buy most of my study supplies at the convenience store. Here is where I launch into an account of how convenience stores in Japan are different from those in the States. First, the ones in Japan are usually well-kept. They are not usually paired with gas stations. You can pay your bills at them. They also feature an assortment of foods that I hesistate to call fresh, but may actually be so (if you've ever been to Wal Mart or Kroger and seen those prepared and date-stamped deli items you have a good idea of what is found at these convienience stores). You'll still get fat and die if you eat conbini (Japanese term for the stores) food all the time, but it is probably still better than Joyfull. Anyway, the conbini also have tons of other quality convenience merchandise, including, namely, one of my favorite brands, 無印良品 (mujirushiryouhin -- 'no mark/label/brand quality goods').

Say it. mujirushiryouhin. moo-jee-roo-shee-rr-yoh-heen. Again.

mujirushiryouhin

I like how my made-up transliteration is more difficult to digest than the proper romaaji spelling (italics). It helped not at all.

One more time: mujirushiryouhin. It's fun. It's also a line of clean, elegant, and reasonably priced products for your body, home, and office. I like their writing elements and use them exclusively. With the matching aluminum pen case. Exquisite. My notes explode with vibrant color.

You know, there are many words I still can't pronounce correctly. For example, I still can't properly say 論理学 (ronrigaku - 'logic as a study'). Yeah, esoteric, I know. But in my line of work, it's plum(b) necessary. As a philosophy major, you never know when you'll have to justify your chosen line of study to some assailant in a foreign language-- when you do, you need every possible asset.

I break out ronrigaku whenever I have to get into it with someone. It's a gamble, though: I typically end up saying something on a spectrum between 'lonely-gah-koo' (very sad) and 'rr-ohn-ree-gah-koo' (mentally impeded), preferably tending toward either extreme. This leads the assailant to dismiss me as a blathering idiot and the issue, from his perspective, is settled. Blathering idiots cannot hope to justify themselves, after all. Afterwards I usually continue attempting to say the word (to myself). This exacerbates others' perceptions of me.

I'm about to call it a day, but first I must say that I really like what I'm doing here. The workdays afford me enough time to do some language study (which makes me a better teacher and co-worker), and the teaching itself is enjoyable far more often than not. It's a great learning opportunity for both myself and the students, and I continue to have a lot of enthusiasm for it even through these grayer months. The third year students are going to graduate in a few days, so I've got several ceremonies to attend. I'll be back at ya shortly. Peace.

The other day,

2009-02-19T17:22:00.003+09:00

someone asked me when I was going to leave this place.

Heh.

A Whale-like Voice

2009-02-18T22:31:00.005+09:00

So, they (members of the local board of education, my employer) thought it would be super kokusaiteki, or an otherwise good idea, to have me play banjo (very exotic) during the intermission at this term's junior high school English storytelling contest.

Here's the thing: they wanted a complete show featuring me, a set of songs, and singing.

I'm a terrible singer. My Most Excellent Friend Eli describes my voice as 'cetaceous.' Yes, I pulled a fast one on someone in the JET Programme selection process: I don't have "excellent intonation, rhythm, pronunciation, and volume", or whatever is called for. I sound like a whale, and though whales sing in their way, it is a style that is fairly inaccessible. Like enka.*

Perhaps it is best described as not being entirely unlike the sound of a shitty practice amp whose bass knob is cranked up as the remaining tonal knobs are turned extremely off. That is, it can sound loud and deep, yet it is somehow inherently muffled. It's been a blessing and a curse since my youth. No, I take that back-- it's given me an unbelievable amount of shit. Mostly in the form of my dad yelling at me for mumbling all the time. And I can't sing.

So,

Clearly they had no idea what they were getting into. Sure, sure, I can play a few crappy songs on my crappy banjo with my crappy technique, but asking this guy to sing is agressively reckless. One could really sour the mood of the event by doing this sort of thing. And it's a day for the children, you know.

Still I reluctantly accepted the task because, well, I had already done this sort of thing for one of my schools. They had a schoolwide musical presentation in which I was called up to play "Country Roads."

Little did you know, all Japanese people are familiar with "Country Roads"; that is, KANTORII ROUDO(ZU). It was a safe choice.

Anyway, I did it. It was fine because the audience simply consisted of my students (who already know how cool I fail to be) and grandparents of said students. I could have gone on stage and hula-hooped for 3 minutes and been met with applause. It wasn't fine because someone surreptitiously shot a video and committed it to Digital Versatile Disc (DVD). Not that anyone has or will ever watch it-- it's probably sitting in a cabinet at the school. I'm still uneasy.

The board of education was aware of this whole affair. I decided it would be socially costly, if not rude, to decline their request for me to play, regardless of how much of an ass I anticipated making of myself.

With the actual contest weeks away, I had ample time to practice up and prepare a set list. So I waited until the day before the show to do all of that.

I decided to break out the guitar for one of the songs, Old Crow Medicine Show's "Big Time in the Jungle." No demanding singing there, and I like the song. On the banjo front, I readied "Rocky Top" (feebly reppin' for TN) and KANTORII ROUDO (why waste time learning a new song?).

Despite the changes and my newfound, cleaving decisiveness about what to play, I became extremely nervous as the performance approached. Really nervous. I made it a point to express my unease to every person I encountered regardless of whether the conversational context suited it. I felt like hadn't prepared well enough. Which I hadn't.

When I finished teaching that day, I decided to do what little practice I could manage. Half-panicking, I went outside and proceeded to go through the material.

It didn't take long for students to start gathering around me to listen. They emerged gradually, two or so at a time. This was fantastic because it helped me get used to the idea of performing in front of lots of people. Eventually the resident third year (our 9th grade) rockabilly guitar dude came up. I gave him the guitar and asked him whether he knew KANTORII ROUDO.

As if there were any question about the matter.

We jammed on that shit for 10 minutes. Everyone joined in and sang Engrish on the chorus, and I held the verses together while turning out some decent banjo rolls.

Rocking out with the students really turned my world around. I felt all genki and like myself again. This isn't meant to imply that I thought I could play the songs better-- it was just that I cared less about whether I sounded good and cared more about rocking. So, lots of positive energy was received at that moment, and it got me psyched up for the performance. As for the performance itself, I don't know how good it sounded, but at least I didn't forget any lyrics. One of my teachers stepped up and played guitar on KANTORII ROUDO (because everyone knows...) as I did my thing. I even did an extra song when the intermission ended up running longer than expected. Anyway, I'm not sure that I could have done it without kicking it with the students first.

Thanks.

* ZING, JAPAN! Or not.

Potentially unsatisfying

2009-02-18T13:23:00.002+09:00

But really I can only take one prune at a time, regardless of whether it is individually wrapped.

Onion-salt rice with pork and coconut chicken curry

2009-02-07T23:16:00.003+09:00

This plus salads and drinks for less than 2000 yen.

Laid Back Cafe

Cafe near my place

2009-02-07T14:22:00.002+09:00

I like the style ofthis place.

2009-02-05T15:08:00.003+09:00

A principal gets the students jazzed up for an ekiden.

I can write from my phone now.

2009-02-02T23:23:00.002+09:00

Grand.

Non-sequiturs and 28 JAN 2009

2009-02-02T13:21:00.002+09:00

The other day we were visited by a pair of pianists from Okinawa. Actually, they are sisters and are originally from Miyako, and while back on the island they decided to drop in at a few schools and play some piano for the students.

Anyway, after several songs they called up volunteers one at a time to play alongside them at the piano. The collective mind of the auditorium's occupants (except that of myself-- the slot in my brain for the Nippon Mental Net Transponder is greedily occupied by an All-American Rugged Individuality Unit) pushed a certain sannensei to the front as the first victim. He played a single repeating, droning note for a bit as one of the professional pianists played a complex pattern. He soon returned to his seat and the show went on.

After the recital, I asked the student (in Japanese) what he thought about the experience. He turned and said "Florida, yes, and California."

Sorry. What?

I stumbled away in hopeless confusion.

Actually, I'm really not confused about this. Many students don't actually listen to what I am asking (whether it is Japanese or English) and simply respond with whatever English words pop into their heads at the moment. Don't get me wrong-- they have absolutely zero regard for meaning, so whatever shit they come up with usually makes me laugh. But it's kind of frustrating too. So, as for me, hopeless, yes, but not confused. It's another reason to never put any effort into connecting with the kids at this school.

But I have to.

-=-=-=-=- For those who are interested, asking 'Was it fun?' (TANOSHIKATTA? 楽しかった？) in Japanese sounds nothing like any English phrase I am aware of, much less any phrase referencing coastal states.

Unique Conversations: Taxi

2009-02-02T12:45:00.006+09:00

It would be as much of a mistake to say that people in Miyako are friendly as it would be to say that they aren't, but I've had a few good, unexpected experiences.

I took a taxi to the airport last month. Little did I know that I would not only be taken to my destination, but to the wonderful and mysterious world of The Origins of the Miyako Language.

Miyako Language? Yeah, it is different from Japanese. And by different, I mean entirely unlike Japanese.

Here are a few examples (with ample mistakes, I'd expect):

ミドゥーン (miduun) means 彼女 (kanojo), or 'girlfriend'

ンミャーチ (nmyaachi) means ようこそ (yokoso), or 'welcome'

ンギャマス (ngyamasu) means だまれ! (damare), or 'shut up'

アッチャンカイ (acchankai) means 'see you later/bye/etc.'

バタゴゴ (batagogo) means 'I'm full (stomach).'

People interested in Japanese as an elegant language with clean, precise sounds (as I was) should steer clear of Miyako. It's amusing but not pretty. It has grown on me, but it still sounds like a mess and is unintelligible to mainland Japanese. Further, as the taxi driver explained, there are still many problems regarding the transliteration of Miyako words into Japanese characters.

Yes.

Little did I know, the taxi driver had a wealth of information regarding the origins of the Miyako language. As we made our way to the airport, I explained that I came to Japan largely because I wanted to learn the language, to which he replied 'Yes, but what do you think of the Miyako dialect?' I immediately saw an education in the making.

APPARENTLY the Miyako language has many similarities to Satsuma Japanese, though the direction of this relationship was unknown to the driver. He also explained to me how it is difficult to write some Miyako family names in Japanese kanji because of the disparity between the sounds used in Miyako and the sounds that are available in Japanese.

I was taking notes. The taxi had became a lecture hall.

Naturally, I was reluctant to leave when we arrived at the airport. These days it is difficult enough to hear interesting thoughts from anyone, and hearing accessible thoughts about Japan/Miyako from an actual local person is doubly so. When I met my crew at the airport I explained what happened.

"You heard all of this from a taxi driver?" they asked.

Word.

Rowdy English Gaming II

2009-01-15T15:16:00.012+09:00

Continued from the last post...

After entering the classroom, I divided the class into three teams, each of which received their own respective set of character cards. Although the teams are called 'Robots and Aliens,' 'Humans and Animals,' and 'Mythological Creatures' according to the Eigomon canon, I prefer to think of the groups as Studious Girls Squad (SGS), Le Corps Maussade, and Team Jackass.

To start, I called representatives from each team to select a character card from their collection and prepare to wage epic battle at my desk. The three students rock-paper-scissor-ed and the victor was given the opportunity to choose one question (involving the superlative, e.g. 'Which is the strongest?') according to the most advantageous traits of his character card (while the traits of the other two players' cards are unknown). The card featuring the highest number regarding the category in question (e.g. SPEED or STRENGTH) is the winner, and the holder of that card gets to collect the cards of the other two students. The goal is to end the class with the most total cards as a team.

Anyway, you may have heard interesting commentary about the Japanese decision making process, you know, how it is 'so different from the West,' and all about 'group consensus' and 'being non-confrontational.' Hah. Let's have a look at the teams.

SGS is composed of people from the overwhelmingly female right side of the classroom. I call them studious, but really they are only studious compared to the rest of the class. They are typically pretty good at English and play along with the activities I provide. Their decision making process involves them neatly spreading all thirty-two of their team's cards on their island of gathered desks. All remain seated as they pore over the cards and discuss which card to select and, infinitely more seriously, which of them is going to actually carry it to the front of the room.

Le Corps is made up of students from the center of the room. This group actually has the most talented student of English, but, in this random-ass game, she is of little benefit. Most of these students are pointedly unenthusiastic about anything. However, I detect that they are interested in the apparent complexity of the cards. One of the things I like about this game is that it appears to be worthy of thought and strategy. The students are confronted with a bewildering array of characters and statistics, and it sure looks exciting. Of course, I know what they don't: the game is a complete crapshoot.

My English major friends say this is dramatic irony.

Team Jackass is a real group of winners. Although they refuse to use any English outside of short phrases that they find amusing, they are the ones who make or break this activity. Fortunately, I know the catalyst for success: I give them an opportunity to freely pace around, compete, criticize, and kick the crap out of themselves. They've got a large, noisy insult-comedian guy who appears to call most of the shots, and he's followed by (1) an inattentive, rotund fellow who refuses to understand anything I ever say and (2) a short, obnoxious fellow who has the self-direction of a crash test dummy. There is a voice of reason at the back of the group, but he knows where this train is going. Team Jackass chooses which players and cards to field based on what they expect will result in someone suffering the most verbal and physical abuse possible.

Several rounds of play yield some memorable moments. Le Corps guys rotate players regularly and all of them maintain a poker face. That is, unless they win; then you may hear a low-register 'uuuueeeeeeaaaaayyyy.' SGS girls twirl with joy in victory and twirl with sorrow in defeat.

Crap, I forgot to explain. One cycle of gameplay actually has two stages of excitement: the RPS segment and the question-answers segment. Most of the student reactions occur after the RPS result because, most of the time, if you win the RPS and get your choice of question, you are going to win the round. That being said, there is a lot of pressure and focus on the RPS segment. Speaking of which, these kids are funny about RPS. Certain students (based on past experience, I suppose) are regarded as being strong RPS players, and others, conversely, think of themselves as weak RPS-ers. They bring confidence and anxiety to the table.

One student approached the table. He clenched his fist and furrowed his brow, closing his eyes in concentration. Then he relaxed and looked skyward-- 'yometa,' he said ['I read it (the other players' intentions)]. I laughed out loud, but he could have been being serious, comical, and unnerving to the other players all at the same time. When a student would lose the RPS, he would often look at his hand as if it were to blame.

Most of the teams would say either nothing or a few words of encouragement to the players they sent to the battle table. Not Team Jackass. Rather, it is 'Win, or don't come back.'

They sent up their ragdoll, punching bag short kid. I had some sympathy for him early on, but this dude really is unbelievably annoying. Apparently they had sent him up this time with a particularly valued card, and when he lost, the color ran from his face. The riot that was his team (standing behind him) roared. He winced. In the blink of an eye he was ripped from his position at the table and lynched.

After a series of painful losses and the sacking of half the team, the leader of Team Jackass decided that a restructuring was in order. He asked me something in Japanese that I didn't understand. I could tell that it was a request for permission for something, but I wasn't sure what. I'm the chaos-oriented type, so I said 'yeah, OK, go ahead' just to see what he was talking about.

Apparently the short guy hadn't gotten his shit together yet and was due for another beating. The big comedian judo threw the kid punched him a few times. The annoying kid didn't stop giggling thoughout the ordeal.

How obnoxious.

Signaling further reform, the big guy declared that he was going to be doing all of the RPS from then on. Not that he actually did. By that point his team was openly fighting, and card selection and RPS participation had fallen to whomever wasn't drop kicking or being drop kicked.

I think they have more fun losing than winning.

We played this game several times that week and had a good time. Since then, I have added new dynamics to the game, such as a card wagering system, and have used it in dozens of other classes. It's a nice piece of work-- the vast majority of students are motivated to play. Even the typically 'bad' students can have a good time.

But more interestingly, though, I like this game because it allows me, the ALT, to observe the interaction of personalities in the classroom-- I just run the game. This activity allows the students a large degree of freedom, which is in itself interesting, but it allows it in a way that doesn't cause them to seize up (as Japanese students often do). More human experiments to come...

Finally:

I hope you are wondering why I permitted the students to fight each other. Well, that is what they usually do in the 10 minutes between classes; they play ball or wrestle. And I don't hear a word about it from the teachers. I just chalk it up next to old goats standing on boxes and 3 meter gaps in brand new roads as normal features of Miyako-land.

以上です。

Rowdy English Gaming

2009-01-15T14:11:00.004+09:00

I'm not talking about football/soccer. Nay, I'd like to share my experience with a certain clever ESL game called 'Eigomon.' Here is the source.

It is a pretty great game, I have to say. It is great for teaching comparatives and superlatives to students of, in my opinion, any age. You can read the description on the MES English website for more detailed information. I'm not here to explain the game--I'm going to talk about how this game sets a particular group of sullen eighth graders on fire.

I lie; these kids aren't properly described as sullen. They've just had it with school. That's all. We all know (or have been) the type. However, given that getting kids jazzed up for learning English is one of the few specifics in the JET ALT job description, these students are a particular challenge for the ALT who is determined to fulfull the role. They are the sort of students who just make you want to give up and do worksheets for the rest of the year. However, I resist that for three reasons:

(1) There are a few students stuck in the class who are highly motivated, talented, and attentive. They deserve a great classroom experience even though they will do whatever dumb work that is assigned to them.

(2) I hate worksheets and have sworn to never make them unless instructed to do so by the JTE, in which case I frown a lot and slouch unprofessionally at my desk. I like talking/listening activities because I figure they can do reading and writing without a native English speaker.

(3) The 'bad kids' are usually barrels of gunpowder. If you find something that catches their attention, you've got a better party on your hands than you could ever have with the attentive students. How could one pass this up?

So, on to the beginning of this week's tale:

ALT stands for Assistant Language Teacher. Typically, you play a support role for the JTE (Japanese Teacher of English) by coming up with games and activities, speaking like an instructional recording, and being unqualified yet authoritative about matters of English. Usually you adhere to the plan established by the JTE and fill in where you are asked to. However, every once in a while I am asked to run classes alone. The first time I did this was with the particular class of students I am talking about today. It was some time ago.

In short, that class didn't go so well. The students weren't out of control, but many of them simply didn't even look at the worksheet that the teacher had instructed me to give them. Instead they just talked the whole time. Then, when I collected the worksheets at the end of class, many of the moderately good students (who would normally have done the worksheet in the presence of the JTE) started scrambling to finish what they could before I took up the papers. The tough guys/comedians in their corner still didn't move much-- no loss there, really. Anyway, the class wasn't horrific, but it did seem like a waste of time for everyone.

This week, I once again had to teach that class (and several others) solo. I was determined (well, as determined as I get...) to do things differently-- that is, not use a worksheet-- and make that particular class a success. Fortunately, when I arrived at the school on the first day of the week, I found that the JTE was out and had left me NO PLAN-- no worksheet, no hindrance, no specific goals. Sweet. I clicked around on the internet and discovered Eigomon, prepared the cards, and conceived a game. Immaculately.

To be continued...

To Start in on Posting Instances of Engrish is a Slippery Slope...

2009-01-14T20:17:00.005+09:00

...but this is simply too memorable. The purpose of this decal is to indicate on a given vehicle that there is a pregnant woman on board. It was spotted in a 100 yen shoppe.

P.S. Here is an edit: What really gets me about this (aside from the accidentally suggestive quality of the sticker) is the pleased expression on the character's face. I yearn to be that complacent.

Unique Conversation: Park

2008-12-21T20:43:00.001+09:00

I often wash my bike at a park just outside of my side of town.

Allow me to explain.

Shortly after I purchased the bike I started looking for places to wash it. I used a water source at one of the gas stations a few times (thank you to the folks at Eneos), but it was often occupied and the hose was broken. Zipping around the island one day, I came upon a rarely-used park that had a spigot. Since then, that is where I have been washing the bike. Although I have sighted a self-service car wash-type thing in the city, I continue to use the park because the scenery is pleasant.

I also see random people there.

Sometimes when I roll up there is a man in a jumpsuit sleeping on the table under a nearby pavillion. I don't talk to him because it is clear that he too enjoys the serenity of the park and desperately needs rest after working all night. I also don't talk to the older ladies who are exercising-- the sight of a foreigner washing a motorcycle in a park is aggressively suspect, like a noontime drug deal. The younger people who come to the park merely sit in their vehicles, living the the concept of 'park' with sincere and literal dedication.

The guy who brought his dog to the park yesterday, however, needed to know what was going on, including:
(1) The motorcycle's displacement
(2) My general attitude toward the weather in Miyako
(3) Whether I had to take a test to become an English teacher in Japan

To be fair, he was just making an effort to talk to the foreigner-- the very action that motivated me to start writing this. I am appreciative. I should also note that in return for his friendliness I shared with him such Gems of Brilliant Insight as:
(1) Although it is warm in Miyako, I wear a jacket when I ride the motorcycle.
(2) Miyako doesn't have interstate highways, you know.
(3) Your dog, which looks to be the largest dog in Miyako, causes me to be nostalgic about my home in Tennessee.

My Japanese is spectacular.

Really, light conversations make my day. Ours was broken up by me waxing the bike and him doing stretches in anticipation for something and 'rassling the dog. The dog, a golden retriever of age 5, smartly swiped the yellow towel from my pocket and jauntily pranced about. How adorable.

But, about this dude, he was totally a Miyako person. That is, not a mainlander. I think this mostly because I couldn't understand what he was saying most of the time. Nevertheless, the meaning came through, and this supports something I have been thinking about communication (the general topic and activity) for some time: namely, an idea that the most crucial part of communication is not vocabulary or technical skill but the effort or will to communicate. Maybe there is something nonverbal going on. I have other empirical evidence that is related, but I'll save that for later. Peace.

Nifty Shirt

2008-12-21T20:41:00.001+09:00

I received a package from the States the other day. Inside it was nothing less than The Greatest Shirt Ever Manufactured. You ask how I know this-- features:
- Fleece inside/..hhrrrmmm.... non-fleece outside HUZZAH
- Nifty holes for one's thumbs in the event that you want to cover your palms and backs of hands but not your fingers
- Zip collar
- Left shoulder pocket that is a bitch to use but is totally badass. I pulled my cellphone out of it in class and students were like 'KAKKOII' (cool/stylish/good form/totally badass).
- Fits me perfectly
- Green
- From REI

I wish I had three of them because they are so aggressively useful. I can wear it when at work, adventuring in the wilderness, engaging in urban parkour, or playing Fallout 3. Holy crap. And I'll put things in the pocket just because.

It's simple really...

2008-12-21T20:32:00.003+09:00

We were about to jump in the water the other day when an ancient man (from Miyako) approached us to see what sort of things we were up to.

He seated himself where the hatch opens at the back of my friend's car and began talking unintelligibly, though at length, about generalities. I mentioned that I like Miyako and enjoy working as an English teacher, and I joked that the students are frightening. He recommended that I strike the students when they are insolent.

I'm glad I don't deal with discipline in the classroom.

Still doing that stuff

2008-11-26T08:45:00.006+09:00

Hey, it's your boy here on this island.

It's finally starting to get a little cooler around here. Diving is still possible, but if this past weekend is any indication, I'm going to need a thicker wetsuit. I haven't been that cold since experiencing a morning in Fukuoka, which, by most accounts, is not cold.

Lately I've been spending a lot of time thinking about my post-Japan plans. This isn't to say that I don't have a sufficient incentive for staying on the program for a couple of years, but the things I want to do are of the sort that requires planning. This ALT gig via the JET Programme is a pretty good job, all things considered-- the pay is decent (not copious, but quite comfortable), I enjoy the work itself, work hours are highly agreeable, etc. At the same time, outside of Japanese language skills (which, for the most part, one needs to make a non-trivial effort to acquire-- it doesn't just 'happen' for most people just by being there), one doesn't get a whole lot of out of the experience. And, at the same time, one's given skills, such as actual teaching ability, capacity for writing, or technical/scientific skills, tend to atrophy. yabai

That sounds more cutting than I intended-- allow me to clarify. I am trying to describe (or simply elaborate for my own benefit) the real, practical skills that can be developed by being an ALT. I don't think that there are many, and I would love to be wrong. There is an appreciable case to be made (and one that I will be making, future employers) that what makes the experience worthwhile is the intercultural exchange-- namely, what you bring to the table (the table that is Japan, or another foreign country) as a cultural envoy and, more significantly, what happens to you as a result of being transplanted into another society. It seems that many people believe this ability to adapt to another culture is a valuable skill of sorts, believing that it is a hard thing to do.

You might be thiking 'So, ZT, what's the hangup? Why can't you sincerely appreciate this aspect of being an ALT?' The hangup is this: in light of what has brought me here, that whole experience, it is hard for me to consider 'adapting to another culture' to be a significant thing. I mean, I'm not the cosmopolitan child of a foreign service officer and I'm not a descendant of recently arrived immigrants. I've never 'summered in Europe' or colonized India while wearing khaki. I'm just a dude from the southeastern United States who, by most accounts, ought to be a rather...culturally insular sort. But, somewhere along the line I got this crazy idea that the meaning of life is to see the world, and now I'm going at it. It hasn't been all that tough. Cultural adaptation, for me, boils down to simply making a conscious effort to go with the flow-- you suspend everyday judgment, you stop having to be right. Practicing sincere philosophy helps with it. Sure, there are tough times, but I still have my guitar, Plato, and XBOX Live.

As I write this, it's becoming apparent that I want to do this cultural immersion stuff. I get a kick out of it. That's probably why it's not a big deal to me, or why I find it easy (USUALLY easy-- the East Asian disavowal of Western logic is...trying). I mean, it makes sense. Before coming out here, many of my friends said 'you're going WHERE to teach English?' (it's more a declaration of my recklessness than a question). Perhaps they say this because they simply have no desire to be elsewhere. That's cool. And I guess that is the sort of person you wouldn't be keen on sending overseas on behalf of your organization. Maybe I am of the sort you would send. Still, I'd like to have more practical skills than simply being able to live in a foreign country, and I'm not terribly keen on being an English teacher until I die (not that one learns much about education simply by being an ALT-- again, it's that non-trivial effort thing).

I guess the true test of my 'adaptive skill' would be me being sent somewhere I don't want to go, like Michigan. More exotically, I also don't want to go to wherever in Africa the tsetese fly is. That shit freaks me out.

Anyway, the significance of adapting to another culture and location is a discussion I'll continue to pursue. Also, it is fun to write when no one is grading my work. I can use excessive parentheticals with impunity.

Snorkeling

2008-11-09T22:42:00.003+09:00

We had a good dive this past Saturday. Early in the morning we headed out to a small beach next to the fishing harbor near the eastern cape. Visibility was excellent and the surface was extremely calm. With that, we were able to stay out for a long time and see a lot of good stuff. Watching a few sea turtles lazily glide around was the highlight of the morning. Maybe we'll see some sharks next time.

The Downside of Motorcycling in Miyako

2008-10-16T16:20:00.011+09:00

Perhaps you are a motorcyclist. Perhaps you are even a motorcyclist from the United States.

If so, I think you are going to understand what I am talking about. I resist speculation about countries I have yet to ride in, but I have good reason to believe that riders from countries that drive on the right hand side of the road will also know what I am talking about. But this has become quite the prologue-- what is it that I am talking about?

The US Motorcyclist Wave.

It might possibly be the finest, most simple greeting, gesture, or general expression I have had the pleasure of receiving (and giving) in my life. To be sure, I am generally a neophyte when it comes to bikes, and this undoubtedly makes my views rather...rosy. Hear me out.

However-- details, please.

The Scenario: Two motorcyclists on indeterminate machines (each having less than 4 wheels but more than 1 wheel [1]) approach each other via their respective oncoming lanes.
Action: We see the perspective of Biker 1-- riding in his right lane, he is able to free his hand from the left handlebar and reappropriate it to the necessary and honorable task of 'waving' [2] to the oncoming rider (coming from the forward left, mind you).
The events occur in the same fashion as Biker 2 (approaching from the opposite direction) reciprocates the gesture of motorcyclehood.
Outcome: Each rider, though confident in his individuality and responsibility regarding the quintessential self-determination of motorcycling, is mildly reassured by the fact that others, like himself, 'get it' in a world of cage drivers who generally believe that it is acceptable to eat, apply makeup, text message, watch TV, receive oral sex, compose essays, give oral sex, and listen to siren-drowning music behind tinted or curtained windows while driving.[3]

If you still don't understand how great this is, let me share with you a few aspects about the motorcycle wave that I particularly celebrate.

(1) You can count on it to occur. This is due to the fact that most riders think it is awesome. On the worst day of your life, after your dog licks up a quart of antifreeze and your 360 goes RROD and your best friend steals your woman and your life is generally fit for a country music song, you can rest assured that when riding your bike, another biker will wave to you. That is, as long as you encounter the biker before you are T-boned by a cage running a red light.

(2) The qualification for participation is straightforward. Ride a motorcycle, see note [1].

(3) It is easy. Control speed and direction with your right hand and let your left hand say 'What it do.' No, it isn't really a question in any significant sense. See note [2].

THE ISSUE
Miyako is a beautiful place in terms of scenery, but I do 'have problem.' Technically being subject to the traffic laws of a larger island nation called 'Japan' (it is to the north some distance), traffic in Miyako drives on the opposite side of the road (left). And while cars are constructed to accommodate this, the layout of motorcycles is the same as that of the United States (right hand throttle and brake and steer, left hand WAVE and clutch and steer).

Perhaps you can already see the problem. Recalling the above Scenario, we see that driving on the right side of the road is crucial to the waving process. It allows full view of the wavers' left hands. Given that bikes are configured the same way in Miyako as they are in the US, it is (painfully) evident that an easy wave is impossible. The left hand is tragically obscured as bikers pass each other on their respective right sides. End result: there is no biker to biker waving in Miyako.

Being a foreigner in Japan is an inherently lonely experience. But there is so much that foreigners can and should do to successfully overcome that feeling, and I have been rather upbeat about the issue. However, being unable to wave to fellow motorcyclists is a tough pill to swallow. An entire people is oblivious to the awesomeness and my rides are solipsistic.

POTENTIAL CONSOLATION
I am open to the possibility that, as a foreigner, I am somehow excluded or oblivious to nonverbal communication that occurs between native riders. I can live with that. Perhaps there is a subtle nod that occurs, difficult to observe at speed but there nonetheless. Also, full face helmets are rare-- most riders wear so-called jet helmets (3/4 helmet with a large face shield) or these goony brain buckets (optimally placed on the back of the head, top of helmet facing to the rear, protecting as little of the rider as possible). Maybe a dramatic wince or knotting of the eyebrows could signal rider fellowship.

Nevermind..forget that. I get that from grandmas when I go to the grocery store.

Some other time will write about the groups of 'buggies' piloted by tourists here on the island.

NOTES
[1] There are numerous cases to be made for exceptions. Common practice typically includes motorcyclists and trikes and excludes scooters. Given my current loneliness, however, I would be as willing to wave to someone on a Vespa as I would a tot on a Big Wheel ('tot'? Who says that?). Motorized unicycle? http://jp.youtube.com/watch?v=HIa0q47CXsk
Yes. How could you resist waving? He better keep focused, though-- don't expect a response.
Segway? Of course not.

[2] The wave can't be a WAVE. Typically the hand, with outstretched fingers, is lowered down below the handlebar for two seconds or so. That's it. Awesome. It just has to look slightly irregular in order to indicate your acknowledgement.

[3] That was a John Stuart Mill sentence.

Curtained windows? Yeah, that is permitted here in Miyako. I don't know the legality, but it appears to be OK, de facto. Many women here are careful to avoid sun exposure. For example, are those desert nomads at the beach, swaddled in opaque layers? NO! Locals. You can see many cars here in which the driver's side windows are shrouded by a curtain. No, I don't mean a baby-in-carseat shade thing, I mean the real deal: curtain rod, valence, and everything. I'll let you make the call.

Image from http://rjq.jp/new/200405/22.html

Imagining the Tenth Dimension: In all honesty, you don't have anything actually better to do than looking at this.

2008-09-28T22:58:00.003+09:00

This may be old news for you in that it is

nothing new.

http://jp.youtube.com/watch?v=XjsgoXvnStY

Nonetheless, I find it irresistably interesting. I had to go to the stormy coast and immerse myself in the bone-crushing waves in order to attain an experience of suitable viscerality to wash away the haunting influence of these ideas. I'll be back for more. Tonight as I am trying to get to sleep, most likely.

Videos on YouTube

2008-09-28T19:44:00.002+09:00

http://jp.youtube.com/user/ztinmiyako

I'm in trouble.

2008-09-24T20:25:00.004+09:00

Today the office lady at school scolded me for drinking my milk while standing.

How rude/reckless/self-destructive/inconsiderate/unhealthly that was of me.

Had I only known beforehand...

A Fact to Share: Kids are Funny

2008-09-24T13:21:00.003+09:00

Usually when we utter the phrase 'oh my God,' we are as conscious of the literal meanings of those individual words as we are conscious of the feeling we intend to convey by using the expression. One properly and naturally emphasizes the 'God' part, i.e., "oh my GOD."

My students, semantically carefree as they are with English, emphasize equally each word in the phrase to comic effect. Actually, I lie. They noticeably emphasize the 'OH' part.

OH my God.

OOHHHHH my God.

This is hilarious to me.

It leaps from their conversations without warning, much like when you are watching Univision and the round man from Sabado Gigante crisply utters 'Charmin Ultra' or 'Quaker Oats' amidst a hypersonic barrage of television Spanish. In flawless English no less. It grabs your attention.

So, if I am saying that the students are unaware of the actual meaning of what they are saying, then what could it be that they think they are expressing? Perhaps it is some form of distress. However, it can't be anything serious. Such matters are reserved for Japanese. Instead 'OH my God' is heard during more lighthearted times, such as during my icebreaking games.

We are passing a ball around, saying each others' names as we throw it. The whole thing is being timed, so we are trying to finish the circuit as quickly as possible. One student beams the ball at another: the receiver makes a valiant effort to catch it, leaping off a chair. Alas, it is to no avail.

A voice somewhere says "Oh my God."

The students are giving self-introductions. I am nervous as they are because I don't want to make the students nervous. Japanese students operate in the following fashion, which I will illustrate by example. If one of the first students says "My name is Ryuhei. I like basketball. I play piano. Nice to meet you," you will find that nearly 45% of your class reveals that they too like basketball and play piano. However, a student occasionally forgets the self-intro format and accidentally begins with 'Nice to meet you.'

OH my God.

Shortly before class begins, I find my students playing a sort of makeshift stickball game in the classroom. A student strikes out. A student hits the Wiffle ball out of the room. I act as umpire and make some questionable calls.

OH my God.

Next time I will explain the intricacies of the term very woman.

Orientation in Naha, Okinawa proper

2008-09-13T12:21:00.002+09:00

Naha. Our nearest major city.

Higashi Hennazaki

2008-09-13T12:14:00.003+09:00

This is the lighthouse at the eastern cape. Directly behind and to the left is a small fishing jetty and a beach that features the best snorkeling I have seen here so far.

On the East Coast

2008-09-13T12:04:00.003+09:00

Without warning I forced the microvan on to the sidewalk along the road I was traveling. You can do these sorts of things in Japan because:

(1) it is normal to do so and

(2) the car fits neatly.

This shot was taken on my second day of driving in Japan.

Nishi Hennazaki

2008-09-13T11:52:00.004+09:00

Once I have the Flickr account properly working I should be able to post more photos than this. In the meantime, enjoy this small view of the western cape of Miyako.

以上です。

Go time.

2008-09-03T21:04:00.002+09:00

I had been putting off the creation of this blog because, frankly, I had been hating on Japan pretty hardcore since my arrival. Now that morale has improved along with quality of life, I am pleased to inform you that I am in proper spirits for blogging (that is, providing that this blog remains

1. apolitical,
2. largely irrelevant, and
3. without the participation of those insightful minds who offer sage commentary on YouTube videos).

The reasons why I wanted to come out here in the first place are starting to come back to me, but this page is about photos.

以上です。

始め

2008-09-03T20:37:00.000+09:00

Returning shortly.

Accounte of Things Seene & Donne in Faire Miyakojima, Japan

英語で笑う！ 教室爆笑スキット / Laughing in English! Explosive Laughter Skits for the Classroom / Anti-jokes

Yet Another Nice Article from The Stone from NYT

Getting back on that horse

Hot Item: Panasonic Lumix FT-2

Brief Thoughts After Mass Effect 2

Waido Marathon

Cracking the whip

MW Local Multiplayer

Stuff

About Maj. Nidal Malik Hasan

Miyakojima Track and Field Competition

A DIY Era, Part 1: Building a PC

Battlefield 1943 and Provoked Thoughts

Motorcycle stuff...

Movies and music

Miyako Victory Lap

Forcing self to write

Final Answer?

Sega Outrun: Miyako

The Era of Irrationality Continues

Yo dawg, I heard you like well lit restrooms

New Shirts

Summer may be Here.

Doing work.

NOTICE

Ah...WORTHLESS

O-HISASHIBURI

Miyako in NYTimes

Diluvian Tales: Snakes in Miyako

A Post for Posting's Sake

The other day,

A Whale-like Voice

Potentially unsatisfying

Onion-salt rice with pork and coconut chicken curry

Cafe near my place

I can write from my phone now.

Non-sequiturs and 28 JAN 2009

Unique Conversations: Taxi

Rowdy English Gaming II

Rowdy English Gaming

To Start in on Posting Instances of Engrish is a Slippery Slope...

Unique Conversation: Park

Nifty Shirt

It's simple really...

Still doing that stuff

Snorkeling

The Downside of Motorcycling in Miyako

Imagining the Tenth Dimension: In all honesty, you don't have anything actually better to do than looking at this.

Videos on YouTube

I'm in trouble.

A Fact to Share: Kids are Funny

Orientation in Naha, Okinawa proper

Higashi Hennazaki

On the East Coast

Nishi Hennazaki

Go time.

始め

英語で笑う！　教室爆笑スキット / Laughing in English! Explosive Laughter Skits for the Classroom / Anti-jokes